You’re 28 and you can’t recall all the men you’ve laid with. You have a kid by one so yeah he’s there but it’s starting to blur. The bed buddies we keep are temporary bodies. The pile up and resurface and as women we learn to cope. What does it really do to our mindsets about relationships however? There are more and more Black women opting to raise children on their own because the man the child belongs too, well he just doesn’t cut it. Did he ever sis?
Many of us are growing up in broken homes, no mom and dad structure in any form so we are not growing up with positive imagery. We are distracted by everyone who looks attractive. We go out of our way to look hot. The idea of getting laid drives our sex drive. The idea of having a body against our body drives our sex drive. If you can’t remember him then who was he? He was a body you substituted for loneliness. We can agree sexual addicts exist but in general the majority of us aren’t addicted to sex but we are addicted to feeling of being wanted. Even if you’re the worst person around and you know it, you still feel like there is someone who should accept and love you. You are right because we all have our people. Part of the journey is to find as many of your tribe members as possible and experience whatever it is you need to experience with them.
Your bed buddy isn’t part of your tribe. They were adjacent so they got in but that was about it. A lot of today’s women aren’t getting married or falling in love. We are getting high paying jobs and commanding our place in the World. We didn’t learn how to be a partner, we learned how to fuck. So now you’re 28 with a 2-year-old feeling like you’re still a child yourself. What to do? Reflect. Look back at the sexual choices you’ve made. Women try to discredit the men in their lives because it’s just too insane sometimes. If we are honest however, we could probably save ourselves years of time searching for the wrong kinds of love.
Broken people hurt others. If you are not whole then you are not loving yourself. If you don’t love yourself there is no way you can really love someone in the right way. A relationship teaches you a lot and the good ones help you to become more of who you were meant to be. Sharing sexual experiences are also an important part of life but it’s actually love that sets us free. Be free darlings.